Frère Hitler? Frère Hitler?

Hitler’s not in a swamp a thousand miles away, looking like a cheese puff with a Lego-inspired hair-do. This Hitler is in the swamp that you’re familiar with (you’ve probably driven through it), and wears a black robe.

Jorge Guzman is in Miami-Dade County criminal court proceedings, charged with felony battery. Serious stuff, right? The thing about American jurisprudence, though, is that you have to come into every case with no prior knowledge of anything. That mens that, whatever story you might be thinking of right now, doesn’t apply to Guzman’s circumstance. Not the part that he’s Hispanic; that he’s a man; that this may have been a love tryst gone awry. “You know what I mean” goes out the door. The reality is, that the procedures codified in the law always say, “No! I don’t know what you mean. You need to tell me exactly what you mean.”

According to the court record, Guzman had his bond hearing, wherein Hon. Judge Ellen Sue Venzer set a $6,000 bond, which Guzman posted. He was then set free, and did not appear at his next hearing. He was subsequently arrested, and at the hearing thereafter, was incarcerated. The incarceration, though, bypassed certain legal procedures to which Guzman has rights to, as offered by the Florida Third District Court of Appeals’s (3rd DCA) opinion.

In other words, Guzman had actual constitutional rights violated. He was placed in jail for five days (from the last hearing date to the date of the 3rd DCA’s Order), by Hon. J Venzer who was either: uncertain about how to conduct Guzman’s proceeding; or was uninterested in realizing Guzman’s rights pursuant to the Florida Constitution. Gauging from her bio as a civil litigator specializing in white-collar crime, the notion of her unfamiliarity with criminal procedure may not be far-fetched. After all, what’s the perception of bankers going to prison?

We’re outraged as a nation about Commandant Cheese Doodle’s actions (whether real or perceived) being so closely aligned with Hitler. Yet we have entrusted Hon. J Venzer (a member of our own community) with great powers which she has abused. Fortunately, we have a system in the appellate process which remedied Guzman’s immediate ills. But he’ll never get his five days back, and to my understanding, Hon. J Venzer is free from culpability of any of Guzman’s claims of injury (in the event he had any). As it stands, we the people of Miami-Dade County may only be remedied from further injuries by Hon. J Venzer when her seat comes up for election in 2018, and then only if she is challenged; otherwise she can be automatically reinstalled.

Stay tuned to the Animal Instincts Show on Wednesday at 7:30 PM to see whether Hon. J Venzer makes the Ostrich of the Week nomination.